Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Stuff and Things

So, here I am. Blogging again.

(I'm going to ask you, preemptively, if you will forgive me for being so disjointed and rambly. Apparently one of the symptoms of pregnancy is something called "pregnancy brain," which has been a kind of mild-to-moderate ADD combined with ditziness. So...yeah. Forgive me.)

Things have been going a little better lately. I'm steadily taking one Zofran pill per day, and things seem to be getting smoother, a little at a time. I'm doing better with fluids (though I admit I'm getting a high percentage of those through these delicious antioxidant-enriched popsicles I found. Nom nom.), and food usually stays down just fine. Smell aversion is the biggest problem for me right now (apart from pregnancy brain, of course, which is a near-constant.) Work is particularly bad, being a second-hand store frequented by homeless people. Lots of smells, none of them particularly pleasant. The break room is sometimes like torture. I would go outside to eat, but I'd rather not sit on the curb and be stared at by bums.

I am so tired of bums.

(Sorry if that sounds heartless, but out here, it is hard to tell the people who are really in need from the people who are just trying to scam you. It gets old fending people off at every corner. Besides, I don't carry cash, anyway. And I'd rather not vomit on someone. Sometimes it's not their fault they smell like urine. Sometimes it is. Either way, vomit would not help their situation.)

I'm getting a little tired of California too, to be honest. Moving is a pain in the butt, but... When we first moved here, everything was new and exciting, and that made it easier to be so far away from home. But now it's all getting familiar, and I'm getting more and more homesick. I'd like a new location to bring a spark back in, make me less mopey. (Let me say, at this point, that I realize I don't really have much to whine about, being fairly healthy, having a home, etc, etc. I just need to whine. I'm whiny. It's what I do.)

Fortunately (or perhaps, unfortunately), that wish may (or may not be) granted sooner than I was expecting. You see, Mark's last phase of schooling wasn't supposed to start until mid-March this year. It was to last until mid-to-late July, and then we would be assigned a permanent duty station; perhaps in San Diego, perhaps elsewhere. On Friday, Mark got a phone call: they were bumping his class up. To now. He started yesterday. Which means his class only runs until May. Which means he'll be getting new orders (possibly to WA? I hope?) a lot sooner. Which also means he may not be around for the birth of our first child.

I was really upset about that at first, but then I calmed down. Know why? Because I realized there is absolutely nothing he or I can do about it. If he can't be there, he can't be there, and moping through the rest of my pregnancy, worrying about that possibility will not help in the slightest. I can hope, but I've got to keep my mind open to the possibility that he might miss it. It makes me sad for the both of us, but more for him than myself.

Don't worry - I won't be all alone. My mom is buying a plane ticket - insured, of course, in case we do have to move elsewhere in May - so that she can be with me at the birth, whether or not Mark is there. If I can't have Mark (and, dear goodness, I hope I can), then at least I can have Mom.

To be honest, I was going to ask her to come then anyway. There are certain times when you just need a Mom's reassurance and presence, and that will be one of them.

But...yeah. That's my life right now.

I was supposed to make a trip home later this month, but extenuating circumstances (work being bitches) made me push it back to next month. I'm buying my plane ticket later this week. That darn trip will not be moved again.

Oh, and my Mom wants to throw me a baby shower while I'm home! Fun!

Mark doesn't get to come, though. He'll be in class. He's super jealous, of course, but he didn't want me to miss out on what could (possibly) be my last chance to make it home before autumn.

I don't know if I have anything else to say. I'm having trouble focusing. Hmmm...

I wish I didn't have to work right tomorrow. Or ever. But I think it's good for me, being out and about, earning money. We just upgraded the apartment, and my paycheck is definitely helping out. We can afford a lot more creature comforts (well, relatively speaking) than we could before. Plus, I really only have 6 more months or so to go before I can stay home anyway.

Man, I'm lazy.

But I hate the workforce. SOOOO MUCH.

I would insert a Tanith Lee quote here, as she also loathes the workforce, but I really can't think of anything. Soo...


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