Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!


In other news, NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Oh boy!

So, I got some fun news today.

I recently (last Friday) had a mole removed from my left shoulder. It was about the size of a pinky-fingernail, and I'd had it as long as I could remember. It worried me from time to time, because it looked like the type of thing that could develop into skin cancer. I didn't do anything about it, though, because I was too chicken shit to go to the doctor, have it removed, and hear the words, "YOU HAVE CANCER."

(I should probably mention at this point, before I scare you too much, that I do not have cancer. Well. As far as I know.)

Since my husband joined the Navy and we have (basically) free health care, I have been getting a lot of minor procedures done that I've been putting off for a while. Getting the mole removed was one of them.

It was a simple enough procedure. They numbed the area, then cut it off. Didn't need stitches or anything. Just some gauze. The doctor told me she thought it was nothing, but they were going to test it anyway. She'd call me today if there was anything to report. If there wasn't, she wouldn't.

Oh boy.

You can imagine how I felt when I got a call from my doctor today.

They want to go back and cut more (a skin biopsy, they called it). This time around, I'll need stitches. I asked if the mole was cancerous after all. She said no, but they did find a few "abnormal cells." (whoopee) The biopsy was just a preventative measure, to make sure they got any last bit of weirdness, in case it one day decided it wanted to be dangerous. No cancer. Just "abnormal." (WTF does "abnormal" mean, anyway? What exactly was abnormal? I do not know.)

So, even though it's preventative, and the doctor told me I shouldn't worry, my paranoid brain has suddenly turned my body into a battleground full abnormalities that will, one day, unite and kill me. Violently.

Mark has been trying to keep me calm whenever I bring up my worry, but I'm not getting hysterical...


The title of this blog will stop being even the slightest bit amusing to me if I develop cancer.

Just saying.

NOTE: I do not find cancer amusing. The title of this blog was solely to poke fun (in a dark humor way) at the paranoid attitude cancer stirs up - it seems like everything gives you cancer these days. Deodorant, chocolate, coffee, cell phones, microwave ovens, etc, etc, etc.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Just To Make Me Smile

*grump grump grump*

I'm feeling super grumpy today, and you're about to find out why...

I don't know what it is about my luck, or my ability to stumble upon ossum things, but I am always (ALWAYS) finding out about cool events waaay too late to be able to set aside money for tickets, or even buy tickets in the first place. Don't believe me? I'll give you some examples:

- When I first moved to SD, I found out Fleet Foxes (SO OSSUM) were going to be playing at a venue downtown a few days after I arrived. Guess what! They were already sold out.

- I found out Cold War Kids were playing at a festival in LA the DAY OF THE CONCERT, because I happened to see it in a flyer. (LA is a two-hour drive away, and my parents were in town, else I probably would have pestered my husband into going anyway.)

- San Diego is holding a World Fantasy Convention (which Neil Gaiman will be attending) this fall. Guess who didn't find out until AFTER the tickets had been sold out for months? Yeah. Me.

- The Decemberists (definitely in my top 3 favorite bands of all time) are taking a hiatus from making music together. The tour they just finished was their last, possibly forever. I got to see them in Minneapolis, but I found out (about a month before the show date) that they were playing in LA. And there were still tickets! However, despite weeks of nagging and begging and whining, my husband waffled on his decision until it was too late. We didn't get to see the show. And the kicker: they played four of my favorite songs (that weren't played in Minneapolis) AND the song that originally made me love their music. :(

- Neil Gaiman and his wife, Amanda Palmer, are having a Halloween bash in LA on, you guessed it, Halloween. Which is next Monday. Tickets are still available. However, Mark and I have reached the end of our fun budget for this paycheck, and could not possibly afford to buy tickets. Also, it's on a Monday night, so - given the fact that Mark has to be up at 4am to make it to class on Tuesday - Mark would never agree to drive to LA. So, again, I miss something ossum.

I thought moving to California would be this huge adventure, where I could go explore and experience all this neat stuff that I'd never had the chance to do before. And I have seen some stuff, and done a few things here and there... But most of my time is spent in my apartment, waiting for Mark to come home, and hoping that he'll have made plans so we can get out of the friggin' condo complex.

I would get out an adventure more while he's not here, but... I mean, I have no car. So everything is a clusterf*ck of trying to coordinate trains and buses (and then waiting and waiting and waiting for said trains and buses). And then, when I get to these places, just wandering aimlessly by myself. It's no fun adventuring by yourself. (I do have a couple of friends here, but both have jobs, and are busy most days. I hate working, pretty much, but I wish I had a job, just for something to do. Well. And the money.) So...yeah. That kind of quashes my adventuring spirit.

My husband seems to have lost his adventuring spirit. It's all I can do these days to drag him away from the TV or computer. It's a little depressing.

But...anyways. November will be here in the blink of an eye, and this year I intend to throw myself in NaNoWriMo as if it is a lifeline. (HA. As if I haven't promised to "work my hardest" in years past. But really. This year I will.) What will I write? Not entirely sure yet. But I'll figure it out somehow.

That reminds me of an article I just posted on Tumblr, called 8 Important Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Writing. I read it the other day and spent some time pondering. The first question ("Do you love writing?") is a resounding yes, but another one of the questions ("Are you writing the right stuff?" ...or something along those lines) kind of stumped me.

Am I writing the right stuff? Sometimes I don't know. I love writing about the characters I do, but sometimes I feel like I'm not super suited to adventure so much. I mean... well, I dunno. I've just always had a hard time coming up with the Final Showdown and whatnot. I find I have a much easier time writing about small, day-to-day battles (aka: soap opera drama). Who knows, though? Maybe I'm just second-guessing myself, or not pushing myself hard enough.

I think I need to ponder the question some more.

But yes. Grumpiness.

Lately, I've been trying to jump-start myself into the mindset that no one is responsible for my happiness but me, but DAMN. It is hard to be happy - and have fun with your time - when you spend most of it alone. The crafting helps every now and then, but it can get tedious to repeat the same projects over and over. I could write, but most of the time I'm so restless from being cooped up in the apartment that I just can't find the focus. I've been reading more lately, which helps, but again...

Bah. I'm getting all whiny.

I use this blog as a platform to whine.

But hey, I did warn you, right off the bat, that I whine. A lot.

I'm just getting to the point where even I am sick of all the whining. I want something to happen, to change. I want some adventuring.

Unfortunately, I might have to adventure all by myself.

Sorry I'm not ending this on a happier note. Like I said, I'm feeling grumpy. And also pensive.

It's just one of those days.

Sunday, October 23, 2011


NaNoWriMo starts next Tuesday. I am freaking out, man! Not prepared for this AT ALL.

Does that mean I won’t try?

Absolutely not.

Elise? You up for the challenge?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Garbahge Sale

So, a friend of mine told me tonight that her apartment complex is having a huge garage sale next weekend. She thinks I should come on over and see if I can sell some of my crafty wares, see how the market is for that stuff. Trouble is, I've been in the habit of giving my creations away, so my stock of stuff I'd be willing to sell is at about 0 items. If I decide to do this, it leaves me with about a week to come up with a reasonable amount of stock.

A lot of the stuff I've been making is not exceptionally difficult or time-consuming to make (with the exception of knitting. That can get tedious.), so I don't think I'd have too much trouble.

What I do have trouble with is deciding what these things are worth. Or if they're worth anything at all. Yeah, it's handmade. And yeah, it's a cool little gift when someone gives it to you, but is it something people would actually pay for?

I have no idea.

I suppose I'll just have to make a ton of stuff and find out for myself. I guess, if nothing sells, I'd have a lot of Christmas present material. Right?

In other news, I had a sad moment the other day when I realized just how much free time I have, and how little of it I actually spend reading. (Or writing, but that's another matter entirely.) I am endeavoring to remedy that situation. For a couple of weeks now, I've been picking away at the same book ("Ship of Magic," by Robin Hobb). Pitiful, really, how long it's taking me. Especially since I've read it before. (To my credit, it has been a while, and I've actually forgotten most of what happens. So it's like reading a new book.) It's about 800 pages long, and between yesterday and today I've read about 650. (Not too bad. We did have people over this evening, so that cut into my reading time.) I'm hoping to be onto the next one in the trilogy by tomorrow night. (Although the crafting could cut into my reading time, as well.)

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is: I need to read more. So I am reading more.

And I think I'm actually happier for it. I feel less restless and morose. Hurrah for escapism!

In other, other news, my and my husband's anniversary is coming up this week. On the 20th, it will be four years. Hard to believe it's been that long, and yet, it seems like it's been longer. Funny how times passes.

We've already exchanged our anniversary gifts - he got a pressure canner (it sounds silly, but he really, really wanted one. We already made a batch of raspberry jam together. haha) and I got a set of lovely brass wind chimes (which I have been wanting). I love listening to them. It makes me wish it were windier here, lol.

I don't really have much more to say for now. Just kind of trying to wear my mind down before sleep.

It's not working very well.

Friday, October 7, 2011


*and other random sounds of fear and discomfort*

I have a doctor's appointment today. It's just a general physical I have to go through to be able to get referrals to specialists and whatnot through the effed-up Navy system. It doesn't matter, though. You could tell me the doctor was just going to pat me on the head and ask me if I have a tummy-ache, and I WOULD STILL BE TERRIFIED.

I hate doctors. They always have cold hands, and no matter what you're telling them, they look so damn serious. I know it's the worst possible choice you could make, but I always want to keep secrets from them, because I'm afraid anything I say can and will be used against me in the diagnosis of disease. (As in, I will be diagnosed with many.) Plus I'm a hypochondriac and an anxious, paranoid type of person.

I just worry that I'm going to come away from this "general physical" finding out I have cancer or diabetes or something equally awful. (Or that they'll suck out all my blood. And they'll let an inexpert nurse do it.) And it's making me incredibly jittery.

I probably shouldn't have been drinking all that coffee this morning. It's really not helping.

In other news, still not writing. Been preoccupied with the upcoming doctor's appointment and the fact that my writing brain seems tongue-tied. (They're weak excuses, but they're the only ones I've got.)

In other, other news, I am in serious Euro-metal jam mode lately. It's usually a good thing, as it signals a wish for creative music and is followed by a desire for creative writing. Hopefully it works...

In yet further news...


Nope. That was it.

Nothing further, I guess.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011



I came to chill at Starbucks during Mark's duty watch, hoping that being away from home would push me into writing, and here I am... sitting in the Starbucks parking lot, leeching their internetz and doing exactly what I would have been doing at home.

Well, except for the white hot chocolate I'm drinking. I wouldn't have had that at home.

Okay now. Going to reread the document - whilst rocking to Sonata Arctica - and see what comes of it. I'll let you know how it goes later.


If I feel like it.


Another commission from the lovely and talented Anna/Astriex gives a face to our heroine, Nuinia.

Seeing her on paper makes me want to get working again, get this story written and published.

I'm working on it today. Swear to goodness.

Sunday, October 2, 2011


Yes, and I am now addicted. Thanks to Elise.