Monday, October 24, 2011

*grump grump grump*

I'm feeling super grumpy today, and you're about to find out why...

I don't know what it is about my luck, or my ability to stumble upon ossum things, but I am always (ALWAYS) finding out about cool events waaay too late to be able to set aside money for tickets, or even buy tickets in the first place. Don't believe me? I'll give you some examples:

- When I first moved to SD, I found out Fleet Foxes (SO OSSUM) were going to be playing at a venue downtown a few days after I arrived. Guess what! They were already sold out.

- I found out Cold War Kids were playing at a festival in LA the DAY OF THE CONCERT, because I happened to see it in a flyer. (LA is a two-hour drive away, and my parents were in town, else I probably would have pestered my husband into going anyway.)

- San Diego is holding a World Fantasy Convention (which Neil Gaiman will be attending) this fall. Guess who didn't find out until AFTER the tickets had been sold out for months? Yeah. Me.

- The Decemberists (definitely in my top 3 favorite bands of all time) are taking a hiatus from making music together. The tour they just finished was their last, possibly forever. I got to see them in Minneapolis, but I found out (about a month before the show date) that they were playing in LA. And there were still tickets! However, despite weeks of nagging and begging and whining, my husband waffled on his decision until it was too late. We didn't get to see the show. And the kicker: they played four of my favorite songs (that weren't played in Minneapolis) AND the song that originally made me love their music. :(

- Neil Gaiman and his wife, Amanda Palmer, are having a Halloween bash in LA on, you guessed it, Halloween. Which is next Monday. Tickets are still available. However, Mark and I have reached the end of our fun budget for this paycheck, and could not possibly afford to buy tickets. Also, it's on a Monday night, so - given the fact that Mark has to be up at 4am to make it to class on Tuesday - Mark would never agree to drive to LA. So, again, I miss something ossum.

I thought moving to California would be this huge adventure, where I could go explore and experience all this neat stuff that I'd never had the chance to do before. And I have seen some stuff, and done a few things here and there... But most of my time is spent in my apartment, waiting for Mark to come home, and hoping that he'll have made plans so we can get out of the friggin' condo complex.

I would get out an adventure more while he's not here, but... I mean, I have no car. So everything is a clusterf*ck of trying to coordinate trains and buses (and then waiting and waiting and waiting for said trains and buses). And then, when I get to these places, just wandering aimlessly by myself. It's no fun adventuring by yourself. (I do have a couple of friends here, but both have jobs, and are busy most days. I hate working, pretty much, but I wish I had a job, just for something to do. Well. And the money.) So...yeah. That kind of quashes my adventuring spirit.

My husband seems to have lost his adventuring spirit. It's all I can do these days to drag him away from the TV or computer. It's a little depressing.

But...anyways. November will be here in the blink of an eye, and this year I intend to throw myself in NaNoWriMo as if it is a lifeline. (HA. As if I haven't promised to "work my hardest" in years past. But really. This year I will.) What will I write? Not entirely sure yet. But I'll figure it out somehow.

That reminds me of an article I just posted on Tumblr, called 8 Important Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Writing. I read it the other day and spent some time pondering. The first question ("Do you love writing?") is a resounding yes, but another one of the questions ("Are you writing the right stuff?" ...or something along those lines) kind of stumped me.

Am I writing the right stuff? Sometimes I don't know. I love writing about the characters I do, but sometimes I feel like I'm not super suited to adventure so much. I mean... well, I dunno. I've just always had a hard time coming up with the Final Showdown and whatnot. I find I have a much easier time writing about small, day-to-day battles (aka: soap opera drama). Who knows, though? Maybe I'm just second-guessing myself, or not pushing myself hard enough.

I think I need to ponder the question some more.

But yes. Grumpiness.

Lately, I've been trying to jump-start myself into the mindset that no one is responsible for my happiness but me, but DAMN. It is hard to be happy - and have fun with your time - when you spend most of it alone. The crafting helps every now and then, but it can get tedious to repeat the same projects over and over. I could write, but most of the time I'm so restless from being cooped up in the apartment that I just can't find the focus. I've been reading more lately, which helps, but again...

Bah. I'm getting all whiny.

I use this blog as a platform to whine.

But hey, I did warn you, right off the bat, that I whine. A lot.

I'm just getting to the point where even I am sick of all the whining. I want something to happen, to change. I want some adventuring.

Unfortunately, I might have to adventure all by myself.

Sorry I'm not ending this on a happier note. Like I said, I'm feeling grumpy. And also pensive.

It's just one of those days.

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