Wednesday, June 8, 2011

What's the Buzz? Tell Me What's-a Happenin!

Yes, I just quoted "Jesus Christ Superstar" lyrics at you.

Don't judge me.

Lots of things - and yet, next-to-nothing - going on around here lately. Mark and I added a window box full of vegetable seeds to our patio garden, our tangerines are growing, I'm working on catching up on the correspondence I've been slacking on. Also, I've been slacking off a bit on all the writing I'm supposed to be doing... And I am still unemployed. Hurrah.

Money and budget are starting to get tight around here, and I'm starting to feel a bit panicky. I've applied for tons of secretarial and receptionist positions, and have heard nothing back. I'm starting to think I need to lower my sights a little bit. Pride is biting me in the ass about that.

I haven't finished my college degree. I'm about a year and a half into it, which is - in the traditional sense - waaay behind for someone my age. It stings my pride to be considered a "drop-out." I want to be seen as successful - almost everyone does. But... To be honest, I have little personal interest in returning to college. If I could take all English courses, I might consider it. But it's damn expensive and it requires a lot of time and effort... and it doesn't seem to be helping too much in the job market anymore. I know tons of people who have degrees who are still scrounging up jobs. How would it help me to sink myself into debt, to get a degree in a field that isn't providing jobs anymore? (Because, if I had my choice, I would get a degree in English lit/Creative writing/Publishing, whatever. No jobs there.) Still...

My mom and older sister would be disappointed in me if I didn't finish. I know I would regret it if I didn't at least finish my 2-year degree. Most secretarial positions want people with degrees. (So if I don't want to end up working at the Papa John's where some dude was recently stabbed...) It's the "right" thing to do.

It just sucks that something in the back of my head is telling me I'll be a failure if I don't spend the money - the money I do not have - to go back to school. I wish it didn't matter. I wish I could just kick this procrastination in the ass, once and for all, and write that damn book so that I could be successful and not have to worry about it mattering.

If I stop believing that will happen, that we'll be successfully published, I think I'll go crazy.

Anyways, I need a job. I need to write. I need to make calls and send letters and fill out applications. And clean this apartment. And walk the dogs. I need to do many things.

That is what is happening around here.

Now you know.

1 comment:

  1. Breathe mate.
    I'm sorry things are so rough. Keep trying, don't give up and don't give up on your dreams. Things will work out.