Wednesday, April 11, 2012


I'm not even going to apologize for not writing in so long, because I have no doubt that I'm not going to post again for a while. Possibly a long while. I'm just lacking in motivation lately, and what little I do have I need to use up on things like laundry and dishes. (Example: I have yet to unpack my suitcase from my trip to MN back in February. Pathetic, oh yes. I am aware.)

Lots - and yet nothing - has been happening around here lately. Ben (the baby currently residing somewhere inside my abdomen) is kicking around a lot, growing nicely, and going to be present in around 4 months. Crazy, right? I'm getting a little nervous. Not so much about the labor itself (I know that's not going to be a bed of roses, yet I'm keeping as optimistic as possible), but about the aftermath I've been hearing of lately. Namely, the (forgive me if I'm somewhat graphic, for those of you who are sensitive of stomach) ridiculous amount of blood and whatever else that will be flooding out of me in the weeks after birth, the bruising, the flabbiness, the (possible) hair loss, sleepless nights, depression...

Hoo boy, they really gloss over those things when you're thinking about getting knocked up. And, once you do succeed in that arena, suddenly everyone is like, "OH BOY! Guess what's going to happen to you! It's not going to be pretty!"

I really shouldn't be freaking out. It's *mostly* temporary, and if it was so horrible that you couldn't get past it, no one would have more than one babby. It's just that element of preparing for the unknown. Postpartum symptoms can vary in intensity and whatnot, and I don't know if I'm going to be one of the unlucky ones or not. I guess I just need to apply that same optimism that's driving away fear of labor to what's going to happen afterward. There's really nothing else to be done about it, because it's going to happen whether I want it to or not.

Other than baby stuff (Ben already has sooooo many clothes! And I have not yet started on baby shower thank you notes. What utter nonsense thank you notes are. Not that I don't believe in thanking people, it's just... bah), I've been in the middle of a job transition lately. I put my two-weeks' notice in at Goodwill last Thursday. Only four more shifts before I'm done with the place.

I've already been working half-days at my new job. It's a small coffee stand located on Mark's Navy base. It pays about the same per hour, but the tips are fairly good. And I get to work by myself most of the time. And my "supervisor" instructed me to bring a book for down time (of which there is quite a bit.) It's not difficult, all stuff I've done at coffee shops before. The hours are a bit early - 6am to 2pm - but it does guarantee that I always have evenings free. Plus, it's only a couple of days a week. And they're not open on weekends. #winning

So, needless to say, I'm rather pleased with the new job.

Writing has been at a dead standstill for quite a while now. It's starting to really bother me, like an itch I can't scratch. It's not that I couldn't write if I wanted to, it's just that I so rarely feel like I have the energy. (Terrible excuse, I know.) Writing requires so much concentration, and I often feel like I struggle to concentrate on the simplest things. (Plus, you know, the thing I mentioned earlier about motivation and whatnot.)

What makes me feel even guiltier lately is that my husband - who dabbles in writing, but has never really professed a desire to be a writer - has been working on a new story idea of his own, and he is so crazy motivated. He spends hours brainstorming and typing up story notes. (Which is not writing, really, but still.) I haven't even been doing that.

Elise and I are supposed to Skype tonight, though, and I'm hoping that, between the two of us, a spark will get us going again.

I know that the story we're working on has the potential to become something really great, it just needs to get frigging written.

But...yeah. That's what's up with me.

Oh, and my older sister is coming to visit in a week and a half! :) So excited!

Oh, and Blogger changed their formatting.

I don't like it.


  1. Responses to very understandable freaking out by first-time mom from been there, done that (recently) mom (TMI warning, but we're being honest here):

    -Labor will be hard. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. But you will feel like SUPERWOMAN when you're done PLUS have an adorable newborn little squishy baby! Things that will most likely happen during labor, but you won't care: Yes, you will gush fluids everywhere, probably throw up during transition, and most likely poop while you're pushing. Again. YOU WON'T CARE! And NO ONE who is in the room with you will care either.
    -There will be a lot of blood afterwards, but it's not too bad. Just like a very very heavy period. You might pass some clots, but it's very normal to have ones as large as your fist (though I would still check with a nurse if you do. The largest one I had was about the size of a walnut). Your first BM after labor will feel like another baby is coming out, but it honestly was not that bad at all. Take a stool softener as soon as you can after giving birth. You might leak some pee (and will most likely continue to do so for months and months after...I never remember to do damn kegels) but just wear a liner and it's no big deal.
    -You might have hemorrhoids, especially if you push for a long time, but either steal a bunch of Tucks pads from the place you deliver (those things are EXPENSIVE) or soak some cotton in witch hazel and leave it on them in your underwear. It will really help. If they start to really bother you, preparation H works really well. They'll go away, I promise!
    -I had a very hard delivery with forceps and an episiotomy, so my physical recovery was worse than most people with a vaginal birth, but it was still FINE. Yeah, it hurt a lot and I had to sit on a donut for a month, but those big ibuprofen tablets are great. Ask a nurse how to make an ice diaper to sit on. Oh...and this is funny but true: a condom filled with water and put in the freezer makes a GREAT, perfectly sized ice pack for down there.
    -Your tummy will be flabby and jiggly, probably looking around 5 months pregnant when you leave the hospital or birth center, so bring early maternity or loose clothes with you. I was fine with a (totally adorable VS PINK) sweatsuit. How quickly you return to normal depends on genes. I'm super skinny now from nursing, but the skin on my stomach looks like a 90 year old woman's still. But really, I don't care. It's my mom badge of honor. Hoping it will tighten up now that the nursing hormones are going away. You might want to get something like a spanx-type band (or a pregnancy band if you have one, I used my Bella-band) to help hold your skin in a bit after delivering. It's nice to have some support.
    -As I think I told you before: the hair-loss really isn't hair-loss. Yeah, you'll have handfuls come out when you shower...but how much is coming out right now being pregnant? I'm going to guess almost none. You're not losing the hair now, so what you do lose later is only a few month's worth of backlog. You won't go bald, I promise.

  2. -The week or so of nightsweats DO suck a lot, but it's just your body shedding extra fluid. When you wake up drenched every night, just remember you're effortlessly losing baby weight! You might want to sleep on a towel so you don't have to keep changing your sheets. It's only temporary.
    -Not going to lie, the post-delivery hormone crash can be brutal. Nursing should help keep it slightly stabilized, but it's very common to feel like you don't know what the hell you're doing and WHY would anyone EVER give you this tiny person to care for because you are THE MOST HORRIBLE MOTHER EVER!!!!!!!!!! <--this is your hormones talking. Is your baby fed? Is he sleeping somewhat, even if not as much as you'd like? Are you changing his diaper? Then you're awesome. Try to remember when you feel like crap that it's not reality. I had the worst new-mommy-guilt on the planet. I thought I should be doing every single thing for Gavin AND keeping the apartment spotless. Let things go like dishes and laundry. Use paper plates if you have to, screw the environment for a couple weeks. Remember the saying: Good moms have messy houses and happy kids.
    -If you don't have Netflix already, get it. You'll probably be stuck on the couch nursing a ton, especially in the evenings. Gavin wanted to nurse usually every 45 minutes once 5pm hit. It's a wonderful time to just snuggle with your baby and veg out. I'm not going to tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps because that is just impossible sometimes. If doing some dishes makes you feel more in control, I say do it and catch up on sleep later. It's amazing how much you can really do being slightly sleep deprived. You'll adjust very quickly and BE FINE. YOU ARE SUPER MOM!!
    -So all of this is indeed very scary. But I hope I've reiterated enough: YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT AND BE FABULOUS. You might be covered in spit-up, not having showered for two weeks, and eaten your last meal out of a can, but remember almost every mom on the planet has been there. When you're through those first really hard couple months, you start to get the fun stuff like baby smiles, SUPER easy baby-latching (I remember I couldn't believe it when people would tell me he would eventually just latch onto the boob without me having to do anything. He will!), then the baby LAUGHS will come! It's so worth it, I swear. Even the horrible days where you just want to run away don't seem so bad once the baby is finally asleep. Sorry this was so long. I just remember so well how hard it was. Going to a new mom's support group for a month really helped me work through my anxiety and feelings of guilt. If you need to talk or vent ever, I'm always around. Since Gavin weaned, bedtime and nap-time has turned into GAVIN'S A SLEEP ROCK STAR TIME! so I actually have a little while every day to myself. I don't mind using a little bit of it to help pay-it-forward with mom advice :)

    And thank-you cards to stink. I'm the same way in that it's not that I'm not VERY grateful, it's just the inanity that as a expectant/new mom I have to sacrifice my sanity-time to write out on a piece of paper how thankful I am or else someone is bound to get insanely offended. I did it (fortunately I was able to just type them since my carpal-tunnel was so bad I couldn't write, screw anyone who was offended) but it was annoying. And yay for new job! Thank goodness they're cool about letting you sit when there aren't any customers. Your hips might start hurting in a month or two, but it's all to help get that little Babby out :)