Pregnancy Anger

I'm not quite sure what it is, but lately I've been in the worst mood. The littlest things will set off my temper and keep it high. It almost feels like I wake up angry... Well, not quite. It's the second that I get out of bed that I get angry.

I don't know if it's just hormones, or if the stress is starting to set in that, possibly very soon, I'm going to have a baby and two large dogs to take care of while my husband is overseas. It worries me to know that, while he's gone, I have no safety net. Unless I do decide to temporarily move back home, there will be no one to help me take care of the baby. I won't have a moment to myself. I won't get breaks. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with that at this point.

Add to that the fact that my boss keeps trying to pin me down to a last day - or to make me commit to coming back to work soon after Ben is born - and I just feel cornered.

I mean, come on. I don't know how long I'm going to feel like working. It's not that I work a lot of hours, but when you're on your feet for 8 at a time, outside in the heat (it does get hot in that stand sometimes), bending and lifting and trying to do a million things at once...I'm going to work as long as I can, but I'm not going to promise to be there right up until my due date.

And I highly doubt I'll be going back after the baby is here. I won't have anyone to watch him while I'm gone, and work isn't important enough to me to search for a babysitter/nanny/daycare. If I tell the boss that now, though, I'm sure she'll just pressure me and pressure me and pressure me. Right now, I'm staying as vague as possible.


Add to both of those things is the fact that I feel totally cut out of the "pregnant group" out here. One of the girls has already given birth, and the other is due next month. They hang out with each other all the time, and when all three couples get together, they pretty much talk to just each other and I spend my time chatting with the husbands. Even if we all do end up stationed in the same port (kind of doubtful), I'm not really sure I can rely on them for support.

I try not to be bitter about that. (I may have mentioned all of this before. Now that I'm talking about it, I can't remember if I've already said it.) Some people just click. They did, and I didn't. It's not like they're rude or anything to me... it's just that sort of mopey "they wouldn't care if I wasn't around" feeling.

It's not like I don't have other friends - I obviously do. It's just hard, being out here. I spend about 90% of my free time either alone or hanging out with Mark. And, as I mentioned before, he could be going on deployment soon.


I wish I didn't whine on this blog so much. It feels repetitive, and I feel guilty for making those of you who read this read my mopey nonsense, but... It's just been one of those weeks.


Oh, and Mango's rash is back. With a vengeance.

Well, there goes that...

And so I fail another year of Blogathon. Oh well.

I don't have a good excuse. My lappy got a virus, but I could easily have typed up an entry on Mark's compy (or struggled to peck one out on my phone). I guess it just slipped my mind in the end, and I fell asleep on the couch in a cold medicine-induced stupor.

That doesn't mean I'm not ever going to blog again. I'll continue to try and keep things updated.


Okay, what's the news?

Well, I'm starting to get to the coughing-up-phlegm part of the nasty cold, which usually means I'm close to the end. Hooray! I cannot wait to be healthy-ish again! I think colds are my least favorite. (Not that morning sickness was a picnic.) They're just so debilitating, and no one gives you credit for how awful you feel. "Oh, it's just a cold. Suck it up." NO! I AM MISERABLE AND CANNOT BREATHE! BREATHING IS DAMN IMPORTANT! I AM IMPAIRED! But...yeah. Hopefully that will be over with soon.

Still, I need to stop by the store and replenish my survival supplies.


I think I already mentioned that I passed my glucose test? (WOO! YES!) So, other than the cold, I'm still in the golden stage of pregnancy. My back hurts a little every now and then, but no morning sickness (got rid of that around 16 weeks, then just had to wean off the pills) and nothing else major.

I'm at 29 weeks today. Only 11 left. Crazy. I can hardly wrap my head around what it'll be like to have a baby in the house.

Granted, I can hardly wrap my head around what it'll be like to be able to breathe normally again (once this cold is done) so I'm guessing my powers of visualization are suffering today.


Oh, another thing - I said I'd work an extra half shift at work tomorrow, and I am debating whether or not this was a smart choice, given I'm trying to recuperate. It wouldn't be so bad if an extra four hours didn't mean I have to get up at 4:45am for the next three days.

Immune system, please continue to work! I'll be your best frieeeend!

Cold Medicine

It's amazing how awesome the smallest things can seem when you're feeling desperate/helpless.

For instance: cold medicine.

I went to the ER today to see if what I've got is a sinus infection, to see if they could do anything for me. I also thought I'd mention that Ben didn't seem as active as he normally does. Not as much kicking and wriggling, etc.

Well, when I mentioned that, they sent me up to Labor and Delivery and hooked me up to the monitors. (Of course, Ben started kicking and moving all over the place, making a liar out of me.)

They did also check to see if what I've got is a sinus infection. It wasn't. I was ready to be depressed about that, since I was under the impression that if I couldn't get antibiotics, there was virtually nothing I could take to relieve the sinus pressure.

Then they told me I could take COLD MEDICINE!

GLORIOUS COLD MEDICINE!

I never realized what a difference the medicine makes, up until I thought I wasn't allowed to take it. (You don't know what you've got til it's gone, right?) Now I feel so grateful that I can, and a little bit high. (Cold medicine usually does that to me, lolz.)

They also told me I passed my glucose test - they looked up the results for me. WOOO! AWESOME!


Oh, and the Jezabels concert was pretty good last night. Thankfully there was a little bit of seating that Mark and I were able to snag, so I didn't collapse from sick exhaustion or anything. Mark had a couple of beers and got a little silly. I had a Coke and bought a t-shirt. (I'll take a pic of me in it - it actually fits over my preggo belly, haha) They're good live - the sound quality didn't suffer, like it does with some bands.

But...yeah.

Sorry if I've been rambly and delirious lately. Haven't been putting a lot of thought into these posts.

Besides, I really am a little bit delirious.

Deal with it. :)

Delirious

Which is what I am today.

The cold-thing hit me really hard and fast today. It's really hard to function. (And the Jezabels concert is tonight! WHY? WHY!?!? I'm still going, but...)

I think I'm going to go to the ER tomorrow, just to make sure this isn't a sinus infection. It feels like it could be one, and I don't want to let an infection hang around in my body when Ben is there.

But...yeah. Don't feel like talking. Maybe tomorrow.

Just Wonderful

I think I'm coming down with a cold. Thanks a lot, defective pregnant immune system.


In other news, I'll be 29 weeks this Tuesday. Only 11 more to go, more or less. O_o

BLAHblah

Yeah, I probably won't be very exciting today. Due to a series of bad planning and whatnot, I ended up getting almost zero sleep last night and throwing up from exhaustion when I got to work this morning. Thankfully, the other worker was there as back-up and she sent me home.

Most of my day has been spent asleep, with random periods of awakeness in between.

Thankfully, all this sleep means I should be alright for work tomorrow morning.


In other news, Mark built us a tiny propane-fueled fire pit. We've been missing our Minnesota campfires, and aren't supposed to have wood-burning fires in this area (wildfire risk as well as not having enough space). Here's a picture of me, shortly after I made some s'mores.

See the little clay pot with flames and what looks like charcoal in it? That's our little fire pit. On our crowded little porch.

I miss having a yard.


Lately I've been hoping more and more to get stationed in Everett, WA. I've heard it's gorgeous, and - while it might be rainy - I'd like to experience more places. I mean, how often does your job pay to move you to a new location? Plus, there's a better chance of being able to afford to rent a small house (or at least someplace with a yard) than there is here in San Diego. Plus plus, I want more trees. It's so scrubby around here.

Although I have made some friends around here who I would be sad to move away from...


Whine, whine, whine.

I should probably stop talking.

Here's a picture of my Mango. Just because. :)

Trivia Night

So, every Tuesday night, Mark and I and a bunch of guys (and one lady) from his Navy class go out to a local restaurant for Trivia Night. Usually, we are the bomb. Usually, we finish in the top three (which means you win a gift card. 3rd place=$10, 2nd place=$20, 1st place=$30). Last night...

We finished second-to-last.

I don't know what happened. The first half went awesome. It felt like we knew every answer. They even asked about things I knew, which doesn't always happen.

The second half is what killed us. Questions like "What is the name of the French designer Lady Gaga usually teams up with?" (Can't even remember.) "What is the southernmost US Settlement?" (American Samoa) We even screwed up the question about classic literature.

Granted, they didn't make it easy.

"Which king sponsored the Three Musketeers?"

Louis the XIII.

You had to get the number right, too.

That was our first guess. Mine, actually. Don't know how I knew it. But one of the other teammates second-guessed me, and I didn't feel the least bit confident. So we wrote Louis the XIV instead.

It was really hard to keep from swearing when they announced the correct answer.


It's okay, though. We've been doing awesome so far, and our cumulative score is still alright for the tournament coming up.

But man, it hurts to lose.

Parenting Barometer

Lately I've been wondering whether or not it's fair to judge the quality of a parent based on how much their child cries.

I mean, up to a certain age, it isn't, right? Because babies do what they're going to do. But beyond that, what factors in to how often a child throws a tantrum? Is it all the fault of the parents? (I'm leaning this way in my thought processes.) Or is it just how the child is? Genetics and nature and whatnot?

I know this is going into the whole nature/nurture thing, which is still a big argument in psychology and whatnot, but I'm curious.

What brought this on?

A baby is wailing somewhere in the near vicinity of my apartment. I don't know where exactly it's coming from, but it feels almost constant sometimes. Today the baby was joined by what sounds like a belligerent toddler, howling and tantrum-ing at the top of their lungs. It sounded like it was coming from the same apartment.

Is the baby fussy, or is it being neglected?

What is up with that friggin' screaming toddler?

Is this going to be what my life's soundtrack is like in a couple of months?

God, I hope not.

Things to Do...

Found a link today on The Rejectionist entitled Some Things To Do Instead of Working On Your Book: A Helpful Task List.

Not that I really needed help with that.

But it made me laugh.

Five Movies That Inspire Me to Write

Today is a "theme post" for Blogathon, and - as you may have guessed from the title - the theme is Five Movies That Inspire Me to Blog. Since no movies really inspire me to blog, I broadened it to plain ol' writing.

So, without further ado:

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

I was interested in writing long before I ever saw LotR, but it wasn't until after I did (thanks to Elise) that I started writing fantasy stories. (Well, not including the weird little thing I wrote about unicorns when I was about seven...) They started off as fanfiction, which led to other fanfiction, which brings me to the next movie on the list...


2. Pirates of the Caribbean

Two Captains. 'Nuff said.


3. Harry Potter

A lot of other fanfiction I wrote, in the LotR/PotC phase was Harry Potter-related. Most of it was (intended) to be funny. A lot of the HP fics I liked to read were pretty snarky, and I think some of the Jack/Ryenne conversations are direct results of what I learned from authors like Cassandra Clare. :) Plus, HP fiction is just darn fun to write.


4. Coraline

I love the atmosphere of this movie. The mystery, the world-building, etc, etc. (Obviously, I love the book as well.) Another thing about it that led me to add it to this list is that I often use the movie soundtrack as background music when I'm writing. It's at times playful, tense, scary/creepy, and ethereal. Plus the fact that it has no real distinguishable lyrics (excepting "The Other Father Song," and "Sirens of the Sea") is helpful. Lyrics are often distracting.


And, finally...

5. Practical Magic

Don't judge me, here. This is, at its core, a movie about mystical, beautiful women and their mystical, awesome family. I love the back story to the Owens women. I love the Aunts. Every time I watch it, I just want to be Sally Owens. It always makes me want to write stories about witches and magic (if that topic weren't already done to death.)

(Obviously the movie has its cheesy bits, I'm not denying that, but I love it nonetheless.)


And that, good people, is my list.

I would write more, but I'm still recovering from the glucose testing I had to do earlier today. I feel groggy and fuzzy, so anything that requires mental effort is basically a no-no.

So I'ma go read Calvin and Hobbes now.

Bai bai. Until tomorrow...

Glucose

I have my prenatal glucose test tomorrow morning to check for gestational diabetes. Thankfully, I don't have to fast or anything for the test, but I was told to take it easy on the sugar and carbs today, and to try not to eat in the morning before the test.

Guess who can't seem to stop craving sugar and carbs today?

Guess who ate four oatmeal raisin cookies and then had a large coconut chai?

Guess who is craving pizza for dinner?

Yeah, it's me.

I'm probably going to fail this test.

Destiny

I realized I can see the future today.

The future that I saw? Me, as an old lady, calling the police on the noisy teenagers next door. Because I cannot stand noisy neighbors.

I love our apartment...for the most part. I love that it has windows in every room, no shared walls, no upstairs or downstairs neighbors, granite countertops and stainless steel appliances.

I do not love that the pool is just outside our spare room window. Sure, it's pretty to look at (when it's empty.) But I have worried about living next to it since the day we started considering moving in. Pools are noisy. (I should know - I lifeguarded at a [tiny] public pool for three consecutive summers.) Mark, my husband, said I was being silly to worry. Noise wouldn't be that big an issue.

And it hasn't been. Until today.

For a long time, it was too cold for swimming. And then the whole pool deck was being resurfaced. (The jackhammers were kind of an issue for me, but...yeah) But now. Now it is warm, and the kids are almost out of school.

Today, there was screaming. And shouting. And general rough-housing. It woke me up from my nap. It made me cranky. So cranky, in fact, that I was tempted to march down into my "back yard" and start shouting. Or punch a child. (Just one. To set an example.)

I have a very low tolerance for noise.

Now my only question is: will the end of summer find me with my sanity still intact?

I guess we'll see...

Maybe

I jotted down a few words in the car today while I was waiting for Mark to finish class (our schedule lately is weird. I will explain in a sec), but it's not enough of anything that I'm going to count it as "fiction writing for you."

This time I'm not lying...but it's only, like, five sentences, so...


This week has been a little jacked up.

As you know, I'm now working at a little coffee stand/tent-thinger on Mark's Navy base. Our schedules do not really line up, but they're not completely incompatible either. I've been working from 6am to approximately 2pm on Thursdays and Fridays. Mark is now in the last phase of classes (auxiliaries), which usually run from about 12pm to 2:30pm (long day, right?) He normally carpools in to base with his buddy, Chan, but this week that isn't working. (Chan's family is in town, so he got permission to switch to an earlier class, just for the week.) That means Mark has had to ride in to base with me at around 5:30am the past two days, hang around until class, and then I have to wait for him to finish before we can go home. Yup. Thankfully, it's only these two days. Although it was really nice to have him fetch and carry for me this morning. :)


Nothing much else to say for the day. I'm tired, so this post won't be long. Plus, we're going out to dinner with Chan, his family, and our other Navy couple, the Johnsons (and baby Cason!) We're having Mexican, which normally I do not go for, but this place has AMAZING free chips and queso dip, so...yeah. I'm all over that. I LOVE CHEESE.

But...yeah. If I'm not so tired I become a member of the walking dead, I'll tweak that tiny bit of writing and *hopefully* actually have something up tomorrow. We'll see.

For now, have a nice weekend!

See you tomorrow!

I Lied

Okay, so, I lied to you. I don't have any fiction writing to post for you today. It's not because I didn't get any done, it's just because I didn't feel it was quite ready for posting. It hasn't reached an organic break-off point, and I'm not going to force it to one right now.

Okay, that's a lie too.

I haven't written anything yet.

I know, I know. Yesterday I sounded so friggin' determined! What happened!? I'll tell you:

Shortly after writing that post, Mark got done with class, came into the Starbucks, and wanted to go home. Once we got there, I found out he had plans to Skype with his family. Mine is the only computer with a webcam. So...yeah.

Blaming it all on Mark isn't entirely viable, though. I could totally have written on his compy (but I'm too picky for that), written by hand (which I do, sadly, very little of these days), or just waited until he was finished skyping and then actually completed the goal I set myself (meh. No excuse.)

The fact is, I dropped the ball. I was planning on covering for it today and getting something written before I blogged, but...

Today was a really bad day.

I could whine about my job A LOT, but I don't think I'm going to. Not right now. Right now, all I want to do is recover from the 3-hour nap I just took, find some dinner, and maybe try to de-fuzz my head enough to actually do some writing and look less like a jackass for PROMISING writing, then doing absolutely nothing.

So...yeah. That's the plan.

Maybe I will have something tomorrow.

This time no promises.

This Isn't Decaf

At least, I'm about 80% sure it isn't, if the way my heart is pounding is any indicator.


Today is feeling semi-mediocre so far, as optimistic a statement as that is. There are a number of contributing factors - my older sister had to fly home yesterday after a 10-day visit, I slept in until 10 today (and now have that fuzzy-headed oversleeping-type-feeling), and Mark should be done by around 3pm today, but we have no plans for the evening. We will probably laze pointlessly around the apartment, I will check Facebook five million times, and he'll hang out in the nursery/office, watching YouTube videos. I am not excited about these plans.

Unfortunately, Mark probably is excited about them, since he wasn't super excited about all the running around my sister and I did this past week and a half. Having plans seems to make him tired. Having no plans makes me somewhat depressed, especially since I'm trying to keep myself distracted so that I don't let myself feel too lonely.

Whenever someone visits, I get a pretty strong upsurge of that I-just-want-to-be-done-with-this-Navy-thing-and-go-home feeling. This time was no different. And the fact that it is a writing month (BLOGATHON HO!) doesn't do much to help. It just makes me miss Elise.

I could try and plan something with the small number of friends I have out here, but I doubt anything would come of the attempt: Vanessa and Dave are busy with their brand-new baby, Ashley and Chan have family visiting, and I'm pretty sure Kate will be working.


God, listen to me moping.

Sorry.

Moving on...


This whole Blogathon thing has had me rereading my past blog entries (most of which, I admit, are whiny and mopey) and thinking about doing some actual writing. It's been a little while since I actually attempted to do any of that, and I think it's high time I tried.

Wow. That sentence had no conviction.

Let me try that again:

I AM GOING TO DO SOME WRITING.


There we go.

And you know what? Instead of saying, I'll try to attempt to maybe start working on that at some point soon, I am going to go and do some writing RIGHT NOW.

In fact, I SOLEMNLY SWEAR I will have some writing to post on this blog by tomorrow. It may not be much, and it may not be awesome, but it will be something.


There we go. Now I have plans for the evening.

Is This Real Life?

Things are starting to feel more real, re: baby stuff.

Our friends, Dave and Vanessa (who were also pregnant), are now the proud parents of a healthy baby boy, Cason. He was born on Thursday at around noon, and he was absolutely adorable.

He's also the beginning of the end of the Pregnancy Trio. (That is a name I coined only for the purpose of this blog. The three of us Navy wives who happened to get pregnant at the same time did not make up some ridiculous group name for ourselves.) Vanessa isn't pregnant anymore. Ashley is next - sometime in June. The date is somewhat fluid, as her baby is already two weeks ahead of its growth schedule.

Then it's me.

I only have thirteen weeks left. That may sound like a lot - it even does to me, a little - but it's not really. I'm not feeling panicky about it, necessarily, it's just... fast. While you're in the first trimester and early second, it feels like you're going to be pregnant forever. Now that I'm only a week or so away from my third trimester, it doesn't feel like forever anymore. It feels pretty short. And then there'll be a baby.

And then a toddler.

And then a teenager.

...but I'm getting ahead of myself.


Today is the beginning of the 2012 Blogathon for May. I failed last year, due to a combination of technical difficulties (thanks a lot, Blogger) and a couple of lazy days. This year, I will not fail. I've got no reason to. I don't have any major plans for the month, I'm only working a couple of days a week, and...yeah. No reason.

Right now, I'm sitting in the Starbucks across from Mark's base, waiting for him to get done with duty muster and drinking the new frappuccino (which should probably be illegal, it's so sugary and indulgent.) [Note: It's called the Mocha Cookie Crumble, and it has CHOCOLATE WHIPPED CREAM.] I find I prefer blogging and/or writing fiction away from home, rather than being there. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe Elise and I conditioned ourselves to be that way during the Caribou Binge of 2010. Maybe it's because I feel more like I'm "working" if I'm not sitting on the couch in my living room. Who knows? It's not really important, anyway.


I don't really have much else to say, so I guess I'll save it for tomorrow.

When I will be back.

And every other tomorrow for the rest of the month.